


Memory

by missbecky



Category: Iron Man (Comic), Marvel 616
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 00:31:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbecky/pseuds/missbecky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After waking up from the brain delete, Tony remembers Rumiko.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

After the little adventure in Asgard, Tony followed doctor's orders for once and actually got some rest. In truth, he needed it badly, although he didn't say that out loud, of course.

For him, though, "resting" was a bit of a misnomer. He was terribly aware of the gaps in his memory, and he worked constantly to fill in those blanks. Often times he found himself jerking awake with a start, old newspapers and magazines spread out around him, three different computer screens showing various headlines and pictures of all those things he had missed.

The doctors had cautioned him too, to take time out for his existing memories. In theory they were all there, perfectly intact, but the only way to be sure was to take time to process them. Sort of like calling up data from a hard drive, to extend the terrible metaphor that had gotten him into this mess in the first place.

So from time to time, as random bits of memory occurred to him, Tony wrote them down. This too was doctor's orders. Originally he thought it might have been meant to test his fine motor skills as well, but although he had long since proven that there was nothing physically wrong with him, he kept at it. He wasn't sure why – after years of just being able to _think_ his thoughts onto a screen, handwriting was painstakingly slow and often frustrating, but there was also something soothing about it too, something Tony couldn't quite explain.

It was maybe the third day after his return from Asgard when he was suddenly struck by the memory of a red flower, a Christmas poinsettia. He frowned as he tried to place the image somewhere in his past.

Unbidden, the words came to his lips. "Who says there's no Santa?"

He heard her voice before he could see her face. _If it's not plastic, it doesn't stand a chance._

And she was suddenly there, so clear in his memory. He could smell her perfume. Her hand seemed to linger on the back of his neck, her touch so light and warm. It could have been yesterday when they sat at dinner, or went dancing, or picnicked in the park, or drove under bright blue skies with the wind in their hair.

_Don't worry, it doesn't have to mean forever – just right here, right now. Because right here and now, I happen to be secretly and hopelessly in love with you._

Tony's breath caught. "Rumiko."

Memories cascaded through his mind. Her smile. That silly T-shirt she was wearing the first time he ever saw her. Her hair lifting and spinning as she danced. Authority in her voice as she saved lives on a tropical island. The way she wrapped her entire body around him at night, claiming him as her own. The spark of anger in her dark eyes when she thought he didn't want her.

A diamond ring he had never had the chance to offer.

"Tony?" A hand touched his shoulder gently.

She was nothing but a blur; he hadn't realized he was crying. "She died in my arms. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't save her."

Pepper eased one arm about his shoulders. He pressed his face to her stomach and let the tears fall, each one a memory forever burning. "I was going to ask her to marry me."

Pepper did not ask who. Maybe she already knew. She just ran one hand through his hair. "Oh, Tony."

He couldn't even remember why he hadn't done it. At that moment he didn't care if that particular memory was forever missing as a casualty of his damaged brain, or just something he was too cowardly to recall. All that mattered was that he had never asked. 

He didn't even know what had happened to the ring.

Everything that had happened since then, both those things he could remember and the ones he couldn't, would they have turned out differently if he hadn't been so numb with grief, so determined to lock himself away from anything that could hurt him again?

He would never know, but he would always wonder.

After a while he stopped crying, but he continued to hold onto Pepper. It was nice to hold her, to feel someone's arms about him in return. "Are you going to be okay?" Pepper asked.

He nodded, his eyes still wet. "Yeah. Thanks. Sorry."

Pepper gave his hair one last caress. "Don't be sorry. You remembered her. That's a good thing. She would want that."

Tony managed a watery smile. "She'd kick my ass if I ever forgot her again." He wiped at his eyes. "Thanks, Pep."

"Any time, boss." She smiled back, then let herself out.

Tony watched her go, then turned back to the computers. He called up a new search engine, and typed Rumiko's name into the search field. Immediately her face filled the screen, smiling and beautiful and forever young.

Half-buried beneath an old magazine was a legal pad. A quick check beneath the newspapers revealed an ink pen hiding there as well. 

Tony began to write.


End file.
